Let yourself think.
A few months ago, I wrote in this blog to announce Facer Insurance was on the verge of acquiring the Skysurance Aviation Insurance Agency. It has been almost exactly four months since I shared that news, and in the time that has transpired since then, I've realized something-
A business acquisition is like going for a run:
It sounds great in principle.
It's much more tiring than you expect it to be.
Sometimes you want to throw up.
You're glad you did it.
In so many ways, the last three months have been a terrific time for our agency. But it's come with a surplus of work and a deficiency in time to do it, which is the primary culprit for why I haven't been back to this blog since that post published in May.
As you could likely understand, time has been an asset at the forefront of my mind this summer. I have a two-year-old son who seems to grow like a weed. God willing, I'll have a daughter joining us at some point in early December. I have a pregnant wife to look after and hobbies that I'd like to nourish for as long as I can. My job is as demanding as it's ever been.
It's a wonderful problem to have, but I'll admit: I'm a little busy.
Thus, while I'm here in a period of my life that recommends optimal efficiency in the use of each day, I've been grateful to discover the work of a man named Dr. Raymond Prior. No, he isn't one of those productivity-gurus that tells you a person only needs four-hours of sleep in one-hour increments to get through life (which sounds terrible, for the record). Rather, Dr. Prior specializes in "Performance Psychology", and I learned about him as a result of his research into sports performance.
I know what you're thinking-
CG, at the ripe age of 31, has discovered a newfound athletic prowess under the guidance of this performance psychologist, and it has resulted in an abundance of free time elsewhere in his life.
Spoiler: I played full-court basketball a couple weeks ago for the first time in years, and I thought I was going to die. Sadly, my athletic mediocrity has no impact on my productivity.
But Dr. Prior has helped me with something, and there's a chance he could help you too.
One of my favorite concepts that Dr. Prior preaches to his pupils is the premise of "Being on Time".
I could dedicate an entire post to this idea, but I won't do that today. Instead, here's a general idea of what it means "to be on time"-
We are all familiar with or have heard of the notion of "being present in the moment". Sometimes we refer to this as mindfulness or awareness. Others describe it as feeling grounded. Regardless of the preferred label, it refers to a state where one's mind is only preoccupied with one's immediate surroundings. In this condition, a person might feel the ground beneath their feet or sense the air coming in and out of their lungs. They are present.
"To be on time" is the practice of going from a "present state", and transitioning to a "focused state". This is a mental state where your thoughts and awareness narrow specifically to the task you are attempting to perform. It is the ability to discern the relevant information in the world around you, combine that information with your prior accrued skills and knowledge, and then focus your thoughts towards exactly what you need to do to accomplish your goal.
But how does one do that?
A long-held trope in sports psychology is the idea that athletes need a "Clear mind" in order to perform best. Coaches and instructors want their athletes to enter into a "Flow state", a place where it's as if the athlete is not thinking at all. This belief stems from the scientific fact that we will perform worse as athletes if we attempt to deliberately think through our physical movements. Have you ever compared the movements of someone who is new to dancing to a seasoned professional? The beginner has no choice but to think through even the most basic steps; their movements are stiff and deliberate. The professional glides gracefully around the floor, almost as if their body moves all on its own. Such a demonstration would easily lead one to believe that less conscious thoughts would surely yield preferred outcomes.
Dr. Prior points out this trope ignores another scientific reality:
Human beings have upwards of 6,000 thoughts a day because our brains are designed to think.
A person does not simply tell their brain to stop doing what it does best. A person who's entered a "Flow state" has not stopped thinking; they've just stumbled upon thinking about all the right things.
If we truly wanted to escape our thoughts, we could go the route of the Buddhist Monk in hopes of achieving perfect presence of mind. For most of us, that's not feasible. Therefore, no matter how good a person might become at a task they are trained to do, they will still have thoughts coming and going from their mind.
The issue is we don't like some of those thoughts. Some of the thoughts are stressful. Others are borderline scary. And many of these are not helping us accomplish our goals.
I would prefer not to think those bad thoughts. And this dilemma is why I'm writing this post.
One of the most predominant "rules" that Dr. Prior insists upon in the pursuit of "Being on Time" is accepting the idea that-
There is no such thing as good thoughts.
There is no such thing as bad thoughts.
All thoughts are just that. Thoughts.
If you are anything like me, this a foreign idea. I have gone through much of my life categorizing the thoughts that pop into my mind as good and bad.
If you've engaged in that habit as well, you might also relate to the fact that I tend to dwell and stress over the bad thoughts while the good thoughts tend to flitter away in fairly short order.
Sometimes the bad thoughts make me feel poorly about myself as a human being. Sometimes they cast doubt on myself or the things I'm doing.
Often times, I might look at my phone and scroll social media in the hopes that my mind might be so preoccupied with other random thoughts such that I can't be bothered by what my own mind will conjure up on its own. In my experience, this practice tends to work until I come upon something on social media that prompts the same toxic thought train I was hoping to avoid in the first place.
If this sounds like you- If you're turning to social media, or music, or pornography, or whatever else you can think of to avoid dealing with those thoughts you don't like- I would want you to know-
Those thoughts are just thoughts.
They don't make you a bad person. Or a bad performer. Or anything really.
Your thoughts don't define who you are. How you respond to them is entirely up to you.
You have the freedom to completely welcome every thought that enters your mind AND decide if you're going to engage with it or not.
Adopting this practice has had the single greatest impact on my time and productivity this summer.
The best way I know to describe this change is with an example:
Imagine you're in a room with two doors and a curtain. The two doors are an entrance and an exit. The curtain is a large drape you can pull to hide a portion of your room.
While you're in that room, you have work to do. Maybe it's related to your career. Perhaps it's tending to a child. It could just be a hobby that you want to spend time on.
People are going to begin walking through that door. One after another.
Some of those people are important. Others are not. You like some of those people; others you don't.
A few people will come tap you on the shoulder and want to talk. Others will walk straight from the entrance to the exit.
You can talk to whoever you want for as long or as short as you want. But whether you like the person or not, you can't make them leave. They'll have to do that on their own.
You can push them behind the curtain. And you can shove as many people back there as you can fit. Some people will have bigger curtains in their rooms than others, but no one's room or curtain is infinite. And if you let the curtain grow, your room will shrink.
Here's the problem-
If you force someone behind the curtain, they'll call for their friend. Then their friend will come looking for them. You can stuff the friend behind the curtain too, but...they're going to call a friend for help as well.
As you send more and more people behind the curtain, you will soon discover that the only people coming through that entrance door are the friends of those people you hid away coming to help. Your room will become extremely loud, there will be too many people, and you won't even be able to discern who is important and who is not.
And it's all because you stuffed the people you thought were bad behind the curtain.
So I'll ask you this: How's your curtain looking right now? Are there too many people coming into your room?
For a long time, my curtain was seemingly bursting at the seams with the thoughts I did not like. So much so that there were days where it seemed all I wanted to think about was addressing what was behind the curtain without actually confronting it. I was afraid that if my curtain tore open, I'd have a huge mess on my hands that I couldn't manage.
Ever so slowly, I've begun the process of pulling the curtain back to allow a few of those undesirable thoughts back into the room, and I've discovered two things-
Most of the thoughts I used to think were bad tend to leave on their own much sooner than I would expect. If I allow them to sit there, they seem to get bored and leave on their own.
When all thoughts are welcome, it becomes much easier to discern which ones matter the most. They linger, and they come back more frequently. In fact, the ones that stay the longest have a habit of being the most patient. Almost as if it's their way of saying, "Hey, I need you to pay attention to me, but I can hang out until you're ready".
If you already engage in the process of allowing thoughts to come and go freely, I applaud you for that. But if you are someone like me who has gone through life with certain thoughts being hidden or pushed away, I'd invite you to try this approach with me. I understand that certain thoughts might frighten you, but if you don't welcome them in, you can't let them leave either. And if they decide to stay, then you can take comfort in knowing what truly is important to you. With that information, you can better apply your time to the things that matter.
Your brain is designed to think. So let it.
Comments